If you've been in the hospitality biz for awhile, chances are you're all too familiar with these. If not, here's what to watch out for....
Posted: Saturday, May 02, 2015
It's in all too familiar story in the hospitality trade: you took a bartending job right out of college, vowing it would last the summer- six months max- just long enough to have some fun and settle on what you really wanted to do with the rest of your life...
Flash forward a decade-plus: you're working day shift at a local dive, cutting browning limes with a knife so dull you need to jab it in point first, and chances are good you're exhibiting telling signs like...
1. YOUR FAKE SMILE LOOKS… FAKE.
A basic prerequisite for a bartender is a 10K watt smile; one that can still muster 5-7K wattage on an off-day. When the voltage output flickers like a dying candle and your best efforts look more like a grimace than a smile… it’s time to move on.
2. YOU HANDLE GLASS LIKE… IT’S AN UNBREAKABLE POLYMER ALLOY
Bitter bartenders get lazy, and perhaps the most common sign is the way they irresponsibly handle glassware. When the only semblance of an ice scoop behind your bar is the glass you’re making the drink with… move on.
3. YOU INDISCRIMINATELY HIT ON… CUSTOMERS & CO-WORKERS ALIKE.
Back in the day you had your predatory activities carefully scheduled: you never hit on customers when that hot new cocktailer was working, and you waited awhile before sleeping with her out of respect for the hostess you recently dumped. Now you’re so carnally opportunistic that every word out of your mouth has sexual connotations, and the rare phone number that comes your way is openly pocketed, no matter who’s around! Our advice: move on…
4. YOUR JOB SECURITY IS ENSURED BY… RATTING OUT CO-WORKERS.
Your job performance used to speak for itself in terms of sales and customer compliments; now you distract from a conspicuous lack of both by maliciously gossiping about co-workers to management every chance you get. Yes, you’re that guy, move on already!
5. DRINKING ON THE JOB… HAS BECOME A JOB.
Let’s face it, for most bartenders it’s not a matter of whether they drink on the job, but to what degree. When the occasional shot with friendly customers has become a bottomless coffee-cup of vodka-- and yet you’re still a miserable SOB at work, it’s probably, no definitely, time to move on!
6. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY ON THE LOOK OUT FOR CAMERA BLIND SPOTS
This big brother business of monitoring your every move while you’re on the clock is completely out of hand. Fortunately there’s a dark spot in the busser's station, and another in the keg cooler, and you’re pretty sure the three stools at the Oyster Bar aren’t covered as well... If you’re constantly looking for covert places to slack-off, it’s probably time to move on.
7. MENUS REPLACE… CONVERSATION
When your response to every customer inquiry is to simply hand them a menu... well… you know…
8. YOUR PAY RATE IS… UNILATERALLY RENEGOTIATED ON A DAILY BASIS
You deserve to be making much more than you are at this dump, just think back to how much you used to make at that one place you worked at ten years ago! You address the gross injustice of your circumstances by misplacing cash transactions directly into the tip jar as needed.
Yeah, you, move on already!
9. YOUR FAVORITE CUSTOMER IS… ESPN.
If you’re spending more time watching games on the big screen than you are patrons at the bar, and your cash flow is tied into the outcome of those games, yeah, it’s time…
10. YOU LOSE SLEEP WORRYING ABOUT… SECRET SHOPPERS
You’re rarely at your best at work; in fact it’s a constant struggle not to be at your worst (at least when management isn’t hovering around). And that one annoying customer who kept trying to make conversation, the one you cut off to take a cell phone call then ignored for the next 45 minutes, I wonder…. was he on the job… because if he was... I’m screwed!
Yea, no doubt about it, it’s time to move on...
I wonder if that new place around the corner is hiring?
KEB / LK